I was thinking today, as I am prone to doing once I have had some coffee, about the Higher Self, and how we hide her. How we so often pretend that she isn’t there, because she makes people uncomfortable.
Hell, most days she makes us uncomfortable as well. There is no bullshit with her. She is pure, whole, and confident, with no glamours or smoke and mirrors to her. She says, “Take me as I am, or fuck off.”
And all too often, we fuck off. We walk away, feeling that we aren’t worthy of such levels of awesome, even though this is silly, because SHE IS YOU. You already have all that awesome inside you, which is why she’s there.
For some reason, this got me thinking about tattoos, since tattoos are something intimate and intertwined with who we are. Think about the weirdness there . . . so many people get tattoos, and then only show them when they feel it’s safe. Only those who really accept us get to see our tattoos – which are often the most public, blatant expressions of ourselves, because they can’t be taken back.
I wish I had tattoos. If I could get them, I’d be covered, I think. I have so many things I want to display to the world in ways I can’t take back, because even though I KNOW all this, I still hide. But I can’t have tattoos (skin condition that prevents them.) Still, I love them, and I want to get my husband lots more, because I like looking at them.
I know so many people with tattoos who purposely put them places they can be hidden. Some of this is because society still frowns on them a lot, which I don’t really get. But some of it is simply the person wanting to be able to hide this piece of artwork that tells anyone who sees it what is really in their heart and mind . . . and I don’t get it.
Love that shit! Get inked, and wear the clothes that shows it off at every available opportunity, because that is YOU under there.
And that’s when it hit me that our Real Self – the part of us tied to our Higher Self, is like a neck tattoo. It’s the part of ourselves that is screaming at the world “Look at me! Acknowledge me and love me for who I am, or fuck off!” It is often the healthiest part of ourselves, because it is truly us. But yet that is the part we hide.
It’s like having an awesome, detailed, full color neck tattoo that shows the very essence of who you are, and why people should LOVE you . . . and then filling your closet with the thickest, most drab scarves that you can.
We stock up on scarves, and we wrap that tattoo up tightly to make sure nobody sees it. And why do we do that? Because it could make someone uncomfortable? Or because it could actually shine, and make it clear what we’re actually capable of, and then we would have no excuse to keep playing small?
Then when we’re feeling daring, we wear a sheer scarf, so that a little bit of that sassy awesome peeks out, and we feel like a badass. The problem is that it also scares us, and the moment someone looks at it a little too closely and says, “What’s that?” we shut down and say “Nothing.” and pull our collar up as well.
Why? Why do you do that?
I do it because I’ve gotten so many lines. “You’re weird.” “Crazy.” “Can’t you try and be normal?” “Do you know how insane that sounds?” Or just the stares. The blatant “You’re fucked in the head and I’m judging you” looks. After so many years of that, it’s hard to NOT cover it.
But we’re doing so much damage this way. When we hide ourselves, our True Self, we’re damaging our psyche. It scars worse than cutting, but nobody sees the scars, so they assume we’re ok. Out of sight, out of mind. We also damage the world, because the next generation of girls doesn’t see strong, weird women doing their thing and not giving a damn what anyone thinks. We refuse to give that light and color to the world . . .
. . . and that’s selfish.
I finally realized that, but that’s another post for another day.
The point is that we all have this neck tattoo. Every woman (and man) has this beautiful thing emblazoned across the most sensitive and vulnerable parts of themselves, and yet we hide it. It is art. It is poetry. It is light and darkness and all the best parts of the cosmos in one . . . so stop hiding it.
I challenge you to throw out ALL your metaphorical scarves, and start showing that beauty off unapologetically. See what happens. I bet doors will start opening you didn’t think possible, and your quality of self love will reach depths you didn’t know existed.