Alright storm-riders, today we’re talking about working with what you have and who you are. What the hell does that mean? For right now at least it means not trying to be someone other than who you are, no matter what you’re dealing with.
There is this misinformation circulating in our society that when it comes time to face something unpleasant, you have to put on this mean game face.
I watch my friends and some family members go through unfortunate circumstances, and inevitably I see them making comments such as “time to put on my big girl panties” or “man up” or “get mean” or “let out my inner bitch.”
Let me be clear – you have to deal with things that come up in life. It’s life. It’s what we do. You can’t ignore things until they swallow you like quicksand. You can’t run away from your problems (and there is a difference between running from them and putting some space between you and them.)
But you can deal with these things in your own way, in a way that resonates with who you are.
What scares me about comments like these is that they paint you in a lacking light. Any of these comments – and I’m sure you can think up a dozen more – say “I don’t have what it takes to deal with this, so I’m going to become something I’m not.”
I have a friend right now making comments like this, and it breaks my heart, because this woman is a sweetheart. I hope she forgives me for saying this, because if she reads this she’s likely going to know I’m talking about her, but I’m not sure she has a truly bitchy bone in her body. She has so much love in her, for her kids, for God, and even for the people who are causing this unfortunate time she’s in right now.
So these comments scare me. I’m worried she’s trying to become something she isn’t, and while she may think it’s what she HAS to do, it will hurt her in the long run.
Unfortunately this is what society has shoved onto us as well. We are in this culture that is more interested in throat-cutting and backstabbing than being true to ourselves. This is why so many people are ruined when they go into the workplace, because instead of being able to be the happy, cooperative person they are at their core, they are instead instructed to undercut others, to “be ruthless.”
To “man up.” I hate this term, by the way, because #1. It says women are at a disadvantage for not being men, and #2. It assumes that all men are assholes with no feelings.
What we need to learn to do is work with who we are. To find ways to deal with the world that don’t go against our ideals and ethics as people.
Like me? I’m a bitch. I have a psycho-bitch streak a mile wide, and there are plenty of people who have seen it in action and will nod vigorously if asked if I have it or if it is terrifying when I unleash it. I can be mean as hell. It’s a part of who I am. As a matter of fact, I actually work to soothe that side of me and only let it out when I REALLY feel someone has asked for a dose of “remind me I am only as human as the next person.”
So unleashing hell is actually something I’m good at, and I feel is part of who I am and part of what I’m here to serve to the world (because it isn’t always about putting a negative whammy on people. I can unleash hell in a positive way too! LOL!)
But for someone who doesn’t have that in their makeup already, it hurts. It sucks because it feels foreign, and I’ve watched people who don’t have a mean bone in their body lash out thinking they needed to (society told them they should) and then beat themselves up for days about it.
Who are you? What resonates with you? Because injecting love into the situation and refusing to fight isn’t cowardice if it’s what resonates for you. Getting railroaded is different, but a lot of the time there is no fight if you say “Nope. Not for me, thanks.” And that’s ok! If you’re not a fighter, don’t fight.
If you need some space, take some space. If you feel the need to move away, do so. Not to run from your problems, but to get them out of your face and ears.
If you need to move in close to the issues and talk to people, do it! If you need people to leave you alone, tell them that.
This is such a personal thing that it can’t really be summed up in an article or post. But the important thing is to not go charging into the world, determined to be a “bitch” when you don’t feel it. Society tells you that you should, other well-meaning people might tell you that you should – but if it isn’t who you are, and it doesn’t feel good to you, guess who it’s going to damage the most?
If you give up your personal integrity because you were told you “should” you will likely cause yourself heartache, so you will harden your heart (“man up”) because you think you should, and years down the road when you’re crabby and mostly numb and you don’t like yourself, you’ll be asking “Where did it go wrong?”
Never compromise who you are just because you’re told you should. If you are a gentle, loving person you CAN find ways to deal with life that are loving and gentle.
Find what resonates with you, check in with your Sources, and stick with it. Anything else will cause more problems than in fixes.
Tell me how you’re honoring your personal integrity when it comes to dealing with life . . .