Forgiveness is a difficult topic, even for the best and most loving people. But I think that the holidays are the best time to let go of even the most stubborn of your angers and frustrations, and to let yourself move forward unencumbered.

I’m going to explain how I’m working on this, but I want to give you a little bit of background first . . .

I feel that one of my greatest shortcomings as a person is that I have trouble letting go of things. I don’t want to say I hold grudges, but I’m not sure what else you would call it. When I was younger, I had a serious issue with this. I would go for YEARS being mad at people who probably didn’t even remember me at that point – usually over something stupid.

Now, I try to forgive people and move on. Yes, I still get mad, and I have to vent it out and allow myself to be pissed off for a bit before I get over it. But for the most part, I DO get over it.

But when the holidays roll around it seems like I am invariably reminded of who I still haven’t forgiven and what I haven’t moved on from.

You likely understand what I’m talking about. You may have an entire family who you have issues with, or maybe you just have that one family member who you just can’t have a normal conversation with, much less a civil evening.

For me, most of my family is great to be around. Even extended family (like my husband’s fairly-new herd of step-siblings and their kids) isn’t bad to be around. Sure, I have issues with some of them. We’re very different people, but for the most part we can just avoid certain topics and everybody gets along.

But there are a couple family members who I just can’t deal with. There is a good reason I haven’t spoken to one of them in a long time, and yet I may be forced to see them this year. When I found out about this, I was momentarily paralyzed, and then I wanted to start breaking things.

I was unbelievably angry at being thrust into this situation at one of the most vulnerable times of my life – when I’m not only protecting myself and my sphere, but that of the little person inside me. I wanted this to be a chill, low-stress holiday season because I have to think of him as well.

The energy of the person is so awful that I don’t want to be around them, and I don’t want them around my unborn child. People try to use the “But they’re FAMILY!” excuse, and to that I say “Yes. They’re also a heinously toxic influence on everyone, and that does not serve me.” One brush with them once a year is enough to traumatize me until our next meeting! (Seriously, I’m not exaggerating – if you don’t have someone like that in your family, feel blessed.)

But I realized something – I had not forgiven this person for the bad experiences and abuse they had put me and those I love through in the past. My husband pointed this out to me, actually. “If you had forgiven them, you wouldn’t be this angry.”

Wouldn’t I? I don’t know.

This is someone who hurts people – over and over, they try to slide into your life, apologize for their past behavior, and then as soon as you let your guard down a little, they strike at your most vulnerable spots. And if you strike back, you’re the bad person. If you stop talking to them, they turn others against you, etc. This person is the poster-child for toxicity and dysfunctionality.

We’ve tried to let them be a part of our lives when they BEGGED for forgiveness, only to be hurt again in the same manner. So we stopped having contact with them . . .

But apparently, somewhere along the line, I stopped forgiving.

I realize my thought process now. Basically it’s “You’re just going to do it again as soon as you get half a chance, so why should I forgive you? You don’t want to improve things. You WANT to hurt me because you are hurting, but you don’t want your misery to stop – you just want to inflict it on others. So why should I?

And I know how backwards that is. Even though I have trouble forgiving sometimes, I do. I forgive, and walk away – either from the situation or the person altogether. I tell others they should forgive, because the only person they are hurting with their anger is themselves.

So why is this one so difficult? Why do I seem to want to hang onto this anger?

I don’t have an answer for that. I don’t know why some people are harder to forgive than others. I don’t know if it is because they don’t want to change, and we are just supposed to accept them for who they are – even though they are unhealthy influences. Maybe it’s a karmic thing. Since looking more into past lives and reincarnation, I’ve begun to wonder what my tie to this soul is, and how I can release this karmic-shit-dance we’ve apparently engaged in.

But the point of this post is that this is the season for letting things go so that you can enter the new year without baggage from the previous one. This is the best time to release stubborn grudges and memories that don’t serve you.

Ask your angels for assistance with this – tell them that you are struggling, but that you don’t want this struggle any more. Tell them you want to move on in a loving and healthy way, and thank them for helping you with it.

Will it make everything vanish all at once? Maybe not. If you were mad at the person, you likely had reason for it, and you can’t erase their actions. But you CAN let go of the anger so it stops acting like an anchor on your spirit. You’ll feel better for it almost immediately.

Do you have an issue like this that crops up around the holidays? Do you feel like you are stuck on something and you’re having trouble letting it go? Let me know in the comments, or click the link above and to the right to get an Intuitive Answer from me on what is bothering you.